I was dying inside.. and it was my event!
I’ve played it safe for a lot of my life…
It pisses me off when I think of some of the decisions I’ve made.
If I had my time again…
I would have done things COMPLETELY differently.
A lot of that came down to fear and lack of courage.
Example…
I’m proud of most of our Whole Man Academy events.
But one of them felt completely wrong.
I’d had an uneasy feeling about it in the days leading up to it.
And during the event I wanted to shout out…
‘Stop! This is shit’
Of course, I didn’t as I wanted to be nice and not hurt anyone's feelings.
I sat quietly.
I was dying inside.
Funny thing was that a guy stood up at the end and said one of the speakers was wrong.
Ironically that speaker was the only one that was delivering the correct message I had hoped for.
I wanted to shout ‘Sit down and shut the fuck up’
But again, I didn't.
After that event, I swore that I would NEVER let anyone else control the events...
Or decide who the speakers are.
See, two of the guests were completely wrong for our message and audience.
Don't get me wrong, they are lovely guys.
But their message and story were never going to light you up.
See, it's OK to talk about the shit times…
The harsh world we live in.
The pain some men can feel when life is punching them in the head repeatedly…
No matter how fucking hard they try and do the right thing.
Plus, sometimes things happen to you that are not your fault.
But at some point, you’ve got to realise that…
It's up to you if you play the victim…
Or decide to get up, dust yourself off and go again
To create the life that you want, no matter what’s happened to you.
And I remember my father-in-law, Keith, asking me...
‘How did the event go, Ant?’…
I lied and said ‘Oh yeah really good’.
In my head... My mind screamed ‘It was SHIT'.
Anyway, I tell you that cos I’ve done a lot of events and have learned so much from them.
Just like every experience you have… shit or good, you learn either way.
And that leads me on to something I’ve learned recently…
It’s gonna sound simple when I lay it out, but it's a BIGGIE.
So, picture this…
It’s 6.30pm on Saturday 22nd September 2018
I’d finished hosting the first-ever Whole Man Academy event a few hours earlier.
And naturally, a lot of us head out to a bar after for a few pints or glass of vino.
As I ordered my 2nd ice cold beer one of the barmen asked me…
‘What are you guys celebrating?’
‘It’s not a celebration’ I say.
‘We’ve all been to a Whole Man Academy event at Soho House.’
He looks puzzled and asks ‘What’s that?
I say, proudly…‘Oh it’s a new thing where guys get together to talk’.
‘Oh right’, he said, looking mildly unimpressed as he went off to take another order.
I’ll never forget the way his reaction made me feel.
He was underwhelmed and I was confused as to why.
And for years I couldn't see it…
So, what was it I can see now, that I couldn't see back then?
It sounds so fucking boring.
‘Get guys together to talk.’
Is that it?
Does that make you want to jump up and shout…
‘I MUST come to that event’.
No… me neither.
Now of course I’m not downplaying the value of men getting together to talk.
It’s part of the foundation on which the WMA was built.
But ask yourself this…
Is getting together to talk enough?
Because I got a reply from one of the long time readers of our Journal.
Something I said on Monday resonated deeply with him.
I said 'Men are feeling numb, lost, going through the motions, inconsequential'.
So, let's imagine you are feeling any or ALL of that…
You come to an event, in person or virtually.
You talk about not being where you want to be in life
Maybe your marriage, career, bank balance, body, or whatever is not where you want it to be.
And we just talked about it for a while…
Talking is not enough.
There’s got to be some kind of intention to CHANGE.
DO something about it.
DO better!
To transform your situation.
So imagine if I laid out two options for you
Event A - An event where we talk
Event B - An event where we work together, standing shoulder to shoulder with other men who want to lead an epic life,
And we find out where you are at, where you want to be, what’s in the way and what you are going to do first.
Event B sounds awesome.
And here’s the next part of this challenge for men.
If you just talk about stuff and then go home….
There’s no accountability.
You go home with some good ideas…
But then, once again, it's just you.
When Monday morning comes, and the excitement of an event has drifted away
It’s JUST YOU.
Within days you slip back into your old ways.
Old patterns of thinking, acting, eating, scrolling, whatever…
Because there’s no accountability, no support,
And nobody to chuck ideas around with.
The motivation dwindles and within a week it’s completely gone.
So, that’s why so many guys (and I’ve done it myself) end up in a cycle of…
Spending money on personal development stuff…
Another course, or book, or video…
Cos they lose momentum and need it back.
So, I’ll be thinking more about how we can address this issue.
And if any of this seems familiar, just email me.
I’m going to be talking a LOT about this at our upcoming dinners.
So grab your ticket for London on the 15th here
And the Cotswolds on the 22nd here -
Plus at the Cotswolds event, we have Phillippe Masson from Avilio who will be doing a short talk on productivity.
Every man wants to be more productive.
I know I do.
Right, catch you Friday when I’ll be talking about our latest podcast.
It’s with former special forces leader Garry Banford.
Grab your ticket for the dinner.
And remember, the world needs strong men.
Anthony
Whole Man Academy
P.S Enjoyed this?
Want to maximise your mindset, body, and performance?
Scroll down to sign up and start receiving
The Whole Man Journal,