How do I know if I’ve found ‘The One’?

Life can be hard sometimes.

And I mean really fucking hard.

Sometimes you give things your ‘all’…

And it doesn’t work for some reason or another.

- The thriving business that got destroyed because the Government implemented multiple lockdowns.

- A great relationship with a woman you love, but she’s not ready to commit...

...or her parents or sister keep sticking their noses in and it all ends up a mess.

- The dream job that seems to be going well...

...and then you get a new boss who is a right twat and creates a toxic environment so bad you have no choice but to leave.

- The marriage that breaks down because your partner finds another man, and takes the kids off to live with them...

...leaving you missing them and feeling pissed off and cut adrift with even more bills to pay.

I’m sure you could offer your own example of something that’s turned to shit.

Notice…Two of those examples involve relationships.

They shape SO MUCH of your life.

Have a great relationship?

Life is good, brother.

But the relationship turns sour?

Everything goes to shit.

Now I’ve had great relationships and I’ve had plenty that have gone belly up.

Much like yourself I’d imagine.

I’ve had times of complete bliss with a partner.

You love everything about them and want to spend all your time with them.

And I’ve had times when we’ve screamed at each other.

Told each other to ‘Just. Fuck. Off.’

And laid in bed with both of us facing the opposite direction as an argument simmered all night.

(She’d found out I was going out with the lads on Saturday night but ‘forgot to mention it’.)

Whoops!

But the hardest part, early on in a relationship, is to know if you’ve met the right one.

I mean, there are few things in life more important than finding the right person to spend the rest of your days with.

And have a family with.

Assuming that’s what you are looking for, and not just getting laid.

And that’s why the question we received was a great one.

How do you know if you are in the right/wrong relationship?

Now, the quick answer to this would be...

What does your gut feeling say?

But it’s not as easy as that.

Why?

Because it’s bloody confusing...

And we change as we grow.

You’re not the man you were at 20, 30, 40…

Or 50

(added that in for the guys who read this that are over 60)

Your priorities change.

Your beliefs, dreams, and desires change.

We change.

How we look.

How we dress.

What we like.

Our bank balance.

Everything changes.

So really, you have to assess ALL the information you have at the time.

I’m well aware that this Journal entry could be 5,000 words long as it’s such a deep topic to unpack.

So to try and keep things simple I’ve created a short framework.

Here’s my potted thoughts on WHY it’s important to be in the right relationship:

1) Happiness: Being in a good relationship can bring joy and contentment to your life.

I nearly broke into a verse of Kum-Bah-Yah then!

You’ll feel emotionally connected and fulfilled.

2) Trust: A healthy relationship is built on trust.

This is essential for both partners and can only be achieved if you are with the right person.

3) Support: Being in the right relationship means that you have a partner who is there for you and supports your goals and ambitions.

No matter what!

I heard a saying the other day, along the lines of…

'The woman you love will ride next to you in the Mercedes when things are going well...

But will equally be there for you if things have gone to shit and you are riding the bus together.'

I’ve butchered it, but you get the gist.

Next…

4) Communication: Healthy relationships require open and honest communication.

This will help you to negotiate and understand each other’s needs.

I’ve struggled with this in the past.

I mean, if you tell her what’s REALLY going on in your head, she will recoil in horror, won’t she?

Ha.

You don’t need to tell her everything, just what’s necessary.

But having a good level of communication is vital for a great relationship.

Now let’s look at issues that can arise if you stay in the wrong relationship:

1) Emotional Distress: Being in the wrong relationship can be hugely draining and cause emotional distress.

This can be damaging to your mental health, leading to feelings of depression and anxiety.

I spent years in the wrong relationships and it ate away at me until I did something about it.

2) Lack of Fulfillment: If you’re in the wrong relationship, you’re probably gonna feel unfulfilled.

Dissatisfied.

With yourself, your life, your relationship, everything.

You’ll end up unhappy and restless.

3) Loss of Self-Esteem: Staying in the wrong relationship can cause you to lose your sense of self-worth.

This can leave you feeling devalued and lacking in confidence.

Here’s the BIGGIE…

4) Wasting Time: Being in the wrong relationship can cause you to lose out on valuable time that could be spent exploring other relationships or activities.

Imagine all the cool stuff you could be doing with someone amazing whilst your dicking about with the one that ‘doesn’t feel right’.

Ok, so, as we tie things up, let’s look at the main points to consider if you are in the right relationship.

1) You feel fulfilled: Emotionally fulfilled and content in your relationship?

It’s likely that you’re with the right person.

2) You can talk openly: If you can be open and honest with your partner, it’s a sign that you have a strong and healthy relationship.

Just don’t blurt out that the brunette who’s just joined the accounts team looks great in her pencil skirts.

Some things are better left unsaid.

3) You can resolve issues: If you can work through disagreements and differences, it’s a sign that you are in the right relationship.

If you can’t, you are on a road to ruin.

4) You Feel Supported: If you feel supported and encouraged by your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the right relationship.

They are there for you to celebrate the wins, commiserate the fails.

Put their arms around your neck and cuddle you when you need it…

And tell you to ‘Go for it; when you have a wacky new idea that you want to try out.

In short… It takes a lot to know if you are with the right partner.

But your gut instinct should give you a helping hand.

The biggest thing you can do is...

Show up as the man you know you can be…

And if they reflect back that attitude and commitment…

Keep them.

If not…

You’ve got a decision to make.

But just remember this:

If you live your life as someone you’re not, to keep your partner happy...

You’re on a hamster wheel to nowhere.

Right, that’ll do.

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And remember, the world needs strong men.

Anthony

Whole Man Academy